Birthday Wish
by cantfighttheeclipse
Summary: Bella is celabrating her 19th birthday, When she recives a gift in the mail that Edward sends her. Bella relizes she has suffered enough and going to find Edward leaving friends and family behind.
1. Brithday

Chapter 1 Birthday

"It's a wave from a car, as it exits the driveway it's that silent awkward motion, the goodbye that you didnt say It's that sad song on the line, that cuts right through your ribcage and gets stuck inside as the wheels kick dust in your view, you know the longer you look,  
the further she'll get from you"

-Gemma Hayes "Sad Ol' Song"

It's September 13 again. I've received no phone calls or letters for the past year now. I'm starting to think maybe he really doesn't exist.

Maybe he was a dream after all. Of course he was not a dream. I know this because of the all the vivid memories I have. His touch, his face, and his smell. Some of the more precious moments I don't remember as clearly anymore. Our first kiss at our meadow I can't remember all the details anymore. That's what hurts the most these days. I can't remember the only things that keeps me going.

Everyday its a stuggle just to get up. I don't eat or sleep, so I have no energy, but today I'm going to put on a smile and try to be happy for Charlie. He deserves that much. Charlie is throwing me a birthday party. He says that will cheer me up.

Jacob hasn't come over in months. He's too busy with Sam and his pack. There all out hunting Victoria, but Billy says that he'll be back for the party. I hope so. I'm always alone. I need someone here with me. Someone to talk to.

I throw off my covers and walk to my closet. Careful to avoid to radio system Emmet gave me for my birthday. A year ago. Last year seems like forever-ago. Its like nothing matters to me anymore. I still have dreams, but there less frequent now.

About two months ago Charlie made go to the doctor. The screaming drove us both crazy. The doctor gave me pills. To help me fall asleep. I never sleep on his side of the bed. I can never bring myself to uncover the side. Its too sad.

I pull on a T-shirt and some blue jeans. I actually comb my hair free of tangles. look in the mirror and decide I look presentable. I look at the clock. Its 12:00, Billy, maybe Jacob, Sue, Harry, Quill, and Embry should be getting here. I take a deep breath, smile, and look in the mirror and make sure my smile isn't too fake.

Knock knock knock.

"Bella!" Charlie yelled from down stairs, "Billy, Sue, and Harry are here!" I start making my way downstairs and smile toward them.

"Well look at you!" Sue laughs. I miss laughing."Your just growing up." She smiles.

"Yeah I guess I am." Hoping my smile isn't too fake. Charlie sighs. I look at him only meeting his eyes for a short second before I look away.

Knock Knock Knock

"I hope that's Jacob." Billy says. Wheeling around to get the door.

"Just stay put, Billy." Charlie pats his back and turns to my and says,"Bella will get the door."

I nod. Making my way to the door, stopping when I hear "She looks so thin, Charlie and so sad. I barley saw any color in her eyes." Sue says worriedly.

"I know Sue, but there isn't a thing I can do." Charlie says in a whisper.

"Maybe you should give it to her. Maybe it will cheer her up." Sue says thoughtfully.

Knock knock knock

"Coming!" I yelled. Then I realize that Charlie and Sue didn't know I was standing here. That wasn't the smartest thing to do. The all look around the conor at me I turn around and walk to get the door.

I open the door to find Jacob outside in short sleeves and shorts. "Jake!" I yell throwing myself into his arms for a hug.  
"Well hi." He smiles huging me back.

"Uh Jake, I can't breath." I studded.

"Oh ,sorry." He laughs." So how have you been?"

"I've been worse." I force a smile. "What about you? Got anything on Victoria?"

"Not a thing. We've been chasing her to Canada and she just keeps coming back. She must really have it out for you." He says sarcastically.

"Yeah she probably does. Its just not a normal year when something or someone isn't trying to kill me." I force a smile. "Oh! You have to be freezing! Come in." I say pulling him in and shutting the door behind him.  
He gave me a disbeliving look and started laughing.

"I've really missed you Bells" He says patting my back.

"I've missed you too. You have no idea." I replied.

He took my hand and we walk into the kitchen. Clearly interupting some conversation they were having about me. "Where's Quill and Embry?" I ask trying to break the silence.

" Ummm, they had to finish up some work, back at La Push, but they sent your presents along with me." Jacob smiled.

I groaned. I hated people spending money on me.

"Where do you want these?" Jacob asked pulling two cards out of his pants pocket along with what looked like a neckless box.

"Uhh, you can just set them on the table." I said motioning to the table with my cake.

He sat them down and returned to my side, putting an arm around my shoulders. "Lets sing happy birthday to the bithday girl!" Jacob teased.

"Oh please no singing." I groaned. "Happy birth-" Jacob started to sing But I put cake in his face.

"Here, have some cake!" I laughed. Laughing felt good. I don't remember the last time I have laughed.

"Okay, okay kids. Settle down." Charlie said with a grin." Here let me at least light the candles, and you can open your presents." Charlie took out a lighter and lit my two candles that was a one and nine. "Okay make a wish." Charlie said holding his camera.

I sucked in a breath made a wish.

I wish more than anything that I could find Edward.

Then I blew out my candles. Everyone clapped.

"Okay time for present!" Sue chimed in. She handed me a small box.

I tore through the papper. Then it hit me.

FLASH! Open Esme and Carlise's gift, Bella!" Alice sang. "I tore though the all to beautiful rapping paper. Blood ran down my finger. FLASH! I was suddlenly push with great force into the Cullen's glass table. Blood ran down my arm. FLASH!

"Are you all right, honey?" Sue asked.

I nodded. I pulled the rest of from the box. I set the rappings on the table and opened the box. Inside the box was silver ear rings.

"Thanks Harry and Sue. There beautiful. Thank you." I smiled.

"Open mine now." Jacob grinned

Jacob and Billy's gift only had a simmple blue bow. I opened the slender neckless box. Inside the box was a beautiful Blue and white crystal like neckless.

"Its so beautiful Jake!" I pulled him into a hug. "Thank you both." I smiled

"I saw it in a store and thought of you. You want me to put it on for you?" He grinned unclasping the chain the held the neckless together.

"Sure." I said turning around. His always warm hands, pulled back my hair over my right shoulder.

He collapsed the chain of the neckless, and tuned me around and look at my neckless and into my eyes and mouthed the word "Beautiful."

I smiled

"Okay here open this. Its from me and your mother." Charlie said putting a big box on the table.

***

Charlie and my mother got me a new computer. My own lab top. I told him not to but of course he did.

Jacob and I sat on the couch setting up my computer. He read the direction while set my settings. After that was done, I invited Jacob to stay for dinner. We chatted and ate.

After he was finished , he announced that he had to leave. I walked him outside and gave him a hug.

"When will I see you again?" I asked.

"I can't make any promises but, maybe Saturday we could see a movie, or whatever you want to do. We could even hang out in my garage." He said hopfully.

"Sure. Do you want me to call you or you call me?" I asked unsure.

"I'll call you." He said quickly. I probably could count on seeing him Saturday. That made me sigh at he thought.

"Okay." I sighed.

"Bye Bella." He leaned down and kissed my forehead. " See you soon he breathed.

He climbed into the truck and started it. Charlie helped billy down our stairs and into his truck.

I waved and they waved back. I turned and headed inside. My hands were going numb.

"Thanks for my computer." I thanked my dad.

"Your welcome." Charlie smiled. "Happy birthday,kid."

What had Sue ment by 'maybe you should give it to her?' I was about to find out.

"Hey dad?" I called

"yeah?" Charlie replied.

"What were you and Sue talking about earlier?" I asked trying to sound uninterested.

"You shouldn't have been eavesdropping." He said sipping his coffee.

"You shouldn't have talking about me." I accused.

"Okay this came in the mail, addressed to you." He said looking down.

"Who is it from I asked." Looking at the beautiful gold laced box.

"It doesn't say." He said watching me very carefully.

I opened the box. Inside it was a copy of Wuthering Height. One of the best copies I've ever seen. Then I instantly knew who this gift was from. I sat the book on the table. Indide the box was a gold neckless, bracelet, and matching ear rings.

My heart was racing when I saw there was a letter. I opened up envelope.

The letter was written in Edward's beautiful handwriting.

It read.

Happy birthday, my Bella. May all your unique dreams come true.

I put my hand on my mouth to try to keep my sobs from alarming Charlie, but my attempts failed. I stood there by the kitchen counter shaking and crying.

"Oh honey. I'm so so sorry. I shouldn't have gave it to you. I'm sorry." He tried to soothe me. Hugging me to his chest.


	2. Lost Without You

Chapter 2: Lost Without You

A/N: Don't you just hate when your reading a Fan fiction story and there is just one chapter and it leaves you hanging? Well do :) so I'm going to update this as much as possible )

_I watched you disappear into the clouds Swept away into another town_

_The world carries on without you But nothing remains the same I'll be lost without you Until the last of days -Until The Last Of Days ~ A Fine Frenzy_

* * *

Chapter 2 : Lost Without You

I stared at the note. Reading it over and over until I had it memorized. I wish more than anything I could just know where he had sent it from. I wish I had some clue where he was. I just want to see his face one more time.

Its almost midnight. I just can't sleep. I get up out of bed to go get a drink from the kitchen when my foot hits a loose board in the floor. There is a picture and a CD case. It can't be. I pick up the the CD case and picture. I stare at the picture from the dim light of my lamp. His face expression is fake. He looks like he is forced to put his arm around me. I set the picture down and open the CD case.

When I open it a small note falls out. I quickly pick it up and unfold it.

_Bella,_

_I know I promised you peace without reminders but, I just could bring myself to take your memories of us away from you. No matter how long I have been gone, I want you to know that I will always want you, but sadly I'm not worthy of you. The day I left you was the hardest day of my life. I could see you honestly belived that I didn't love you._

_I will not come back, I'm sorry for the fact that you love me cause we can be together. I wish more than anything that I was human, so that I could grow old with you, I know thats the reason that you want to be changed. I will not destroy your soul. Your soul is too beautiful to destroy, and therefore is the reason why I can not change you. You should be happy Bella. The world is a better place when you smile. I will always love you, so for me, please find someone who is good for you, someone who deserves you love. I am forever sorry for what I have put you through._

Love, Edward

He loves me. So the words in the forest meant nothing. I put down the note and put the CD in my CD player and hit play.

My lullaby starts playing. I start to cry at the memories going through my head. Grab the head phones and push them to my ears. I have to find him. Is it possible to find a vampire. No of course not. He would smell me and run away. Besides I don't even know where he's at. Then an idea hit me. My dad's friend, Jack is a retired FBI agent. He could find him for me.

That's it! I can go tomorrow and he can help me find him. If he can't help me, then I guess that's it then. I will just give up because he is my everything, and how could he think he's not good for me. He is far to good.


	3. Find You

Chapter 3: Find You

A/N: Thanks for all the Reviews :) hope you like this chapter!

Take Another Chance, Take Fall, Take a Shot For You Need you like a heart needs a beat, Its nothing new -Apoligize~ Silverstein

Chapter 3 : Take Another Chance, Take Fall, Take a Shot For You

Beep Beep Beep

I set my alarm for 8 o'clock. Charlie is already at work.I need to find out where Jack Welden lives.

I through the phone book there are only four people in Forks with that name. I write down all four addresses. I put on my coat and write a note for Charlie. That tells him, I'm going out for the day and will be back later, and that there is Lasagnain the refrigerator.

I start my truck then go back inside and eat a granola bar. That's when my cell rings. I look at the caller ID its Jacob. That's when I remember the plans we had. I'll have to cancel.

"Hello?"

"Hey Bells, how does it feel to be old?" He asked laughing. I hate to admit how much that bothered me. If I do find Edward, I bet when he looks at me he will think I'm too old.

"Look Bella I know how much that bothers you and I shouldn't have said that. Sorry" Jacob said. He really sounded sorry.

"Its fine, Jacob. Ummm about today I can't go to the movies. I've gotta do something." I said hoping he would ask.

"Oh that's okay, we could do something tomorrow. So what are you doing today?" He asked curious.

"Uh, something for Charlie?" My voice sounded unconvincing.

"You're a rotten lire, Bella. What are you really doing. Please nothing stupid like cliff diving."He almost sounded mad.

"I'm trying to find.... Edward." I said hoping he would offer to help.

"Bella, don't you ever think that maybe he doesn't want you to find you? He left you here. No phone calls or letters. Nothing, Bella." He paused. "Maybe if you tired you could be happy with someone else. Me Bella. You know you love me." He said softly. I hate it when Jacob tried to be more than friend.

"He did send me a letter." I said irritated."And I can't be happy with anyone else."

"You've never tired." He said trying to persuade me.

"Jacob I have to go. Bye." I said closing the phone.

I walk to my truck and see Jacob standing there.

"Jacob I don't have time I hav-" He cut me off.

"I want to apologize by telling you that our pack came across you Edward's sent last night." He said looking sad.

"Oh Jacob! That's great. Where at? How can I find him?" I asked exited all most jumping up and down.

"We were chasing Victoria through Alaska and we picked up his sent." He said with tears in his eyes.

"Jacob why are you crying?" I said sad because this had to be something I have done.

"Because you so happy to go see him. When you could be happy with me." He said wiping his eyes. Swalling hard.

"Jacob. I love you I really do, but not the same way." I said not looking in his eyes."Will you please help me find him. Please."

He nodded his head."We crossed his trail around Atqasuk, Alaska. So thats prpbably the best place to start, and I would get a plane ticket if I was you cause its along drive."

"Your not coming?" I asked him confused

"Bella I can't. I've got to go back hunting Victoria tommorow."

"I can't do this alone." I said sadly. I just can't. I wouldn't know where to go. I would for sure get lost.

"Bella, I can't." He said looking down.

"I'll get lost. I don't know where to go. Please you have to help me." I begged.

He didn't answer.

"Fine don't help me! I don't help me. I'll do this on my own." I yelled at him.

His whole body started to twitch. He was about to phase.

"Bella, get back!" Jacob yelled.

I could move. It was as if my my feet were glued to the ground.

Suddenly my I was pulled back with great force and face down on the ground.

I instictivly put my arms over my head waiting for the impact. When it didn't come I looked up to see two golden eyes I haven't seen for months looking back at me.

* * *

A/N: Sorry for not updating. I was having really bad case of writers block. Pluse I had lots of home work.

So hope you liked it and please review to pick who is going to be Bella's visitor.

Choices:  
-Alice

-Rose

-Carlisle

-Esme

-Jasper

-Emmet


	4. Visitor

Chapter 3: Find You

A/N: Thanks for all the Reviews :) hope you like this chapter!

And sorry this story isn't good, but I just like to write. So sorry if you don't like it.

Chapter 4 : Visitor

I stared up in shock at who was standing in front of me.

"Emmet" I yelled

I tried to get up but Emmet held me down.

"Just wait till he calms down." He said looking at Jake.

Jacob looked at me and shook his head and ran off into the woods.

I thew myself into Emmet's arms.

"What are you doing here?" I asked still holding him wishing I was strong enough to keep him here.

"Alice had a vision." He said

Emmet had come and talked about the months that he and his family were away. I told him about my birthday and my gift that I have recived. Emmet said that it was very hard for him to send my gift. Because he promised me piece without reminders.

"If he wants me to have a happy life then why doesn't he just come back. If he loves me." I said walking to the edge of the counter crossing my arms over my chest.

"Bella thats a question you'll have to ask Edward." He said gently

"How in the hell can I do that. When I don't even know where he is.?!" I yelled at him

"Bella He's-" I cut him off. I didn't want him to make excuese for him.

"I don't care. I don't care! Do you have any idea what I've been through? I had to take medication for atlest three months. I felt like I was going insain when I stared hearing his voice everywhere." I was beyond angery. I turned around and buried my face in my hands, and tried not to cry.

I felt familar arms around me. I felt his lips press into hair , and he inhaled sharply. I turned around to face Edward. I turned slowly and stared into his golden eyes. Edward looked like he was in so much pain. I rasied my hand to stroke his cheak. He leaned into my touch and sighed.

"Bella I'm-" I cut him off by throwing myself into his arms and wrapping my legs around his waist.

I started to sob uncontroably. He carried me to my room slowly climbing up each stair slowly. When he finally reached my room. He stood there.

"Where are your CD's and books?" He asked in a strained voice, walking over to my bed and layed me down onto the bed. Taking my shoes off and turning down the bed.

I curled on to my side and he slid in beside me and put his head on my shoulder.

"I threw them away." I said honestly."I know I'm not good enough for you, and I'm nothing but human. You completly erased me when you left." I said between sobs." I don't eat,sleep,or talk. I've been this way for a year." I said turning around buring my face in his chest.

"Don't you ever think that!" He said pulling me tight to his chest. "You are everything to me. Your my only reason to say alive. The only reason I left you was because I wanted you to have a chance at a normal, happy human life. I could honestly see in your eyes that you belived that I didn't want you. Out of the many times I've told you I love you, how could you let one word break your faith in me? I lied. To protect you."

"Are you kidding me?!" I screamed at him pushing him away and standing by the door frame. He lied. He lied to my face. "How do I know your not lying now, huh? You could leave right now, and I couln't do a damn thing about it. Because I'm not stong enough to keep you here." I said through my teeth.

"Bella, I'm not lying. I lied to protect you. I love you." He said getting up to face me.

"Just leave!" I said I could barley stand. I was too tired.

"If you just let my help you get into bed. You look so tired." He said hurt by words.

I grimanced.

"For me." He said in a voice that almost broke my heart.

I started toward my bed, he pulled the covers up for me and I turned my back to him.

"I love you. See you in the moring." He said walking toward the window.

"In the moring?" I asked confused.

"There is school tommorow."

"Your going to school?" I asked still confused.

"We all are. I love you. sweet dreams" He said, and with that he left.

I didn't bother to try to make since of what just happened. I feel asleep quickly.

A/N: I hope you liked this chapter (: I wanted to give Bella a voice. Because in the book she took Edward back too easily. But we all love the happy love story. But this is fanfiction and I hate happy ending so lets see if Bella will take Edward back (: So review and tell my if you like it (: 


	5. School Starts Today

Chapter 3: Find You

A/N: Thanks for all the Reviews :) hope you like this chapter!

Thanks for all the reviews (: keep reading and I'll keep writing (:

Chapter 5: School Starts Today

I woke up and looked at my ceiling. Wondering if yesterday was really a dream or not. Part of me wanted to belive him, but he could easily leave me if he waned. I couldn't do anything about it. I turely love him. I never stoped.

My thoughts were interupted by knoking on my door.

"Bella, are you all packed? I've got the truck all ready for you." I herd Charlie walking down the stairs when it hit me.

Collage. I had to get my dorm all set up and sign in. I forgot all about it. I was so focosed on finding Edward I had forgot all about it.

"Yeah be right down!" I yelled. I ran to my closet and pulled out my sutcases that I had bought to pack all my stuff in. I grabed cloths and shoved them in. I tried to zip the first case but it wouldn't buge. I tried sitting on it and still the same result.

"Shit." I muttered.

"Is that anyway to welcome your best friend back?" A voice said behind me. Alice was perched on my open window seal. Like she'd been here the whole time.

"Alice!" I yelled as I threw my arms around her. She huged me back.

"You'll never believe whos going to be your roommate!" She squealed. I didn't have to ask.

"Why are you all going to collage with me?" I asked confused.

"You don't want us to go?" She asked, making a face that possibly shattered my heart.

"No,no!" I asured her. "I just just wanted to know the reason, and how do you know which collage I was going to?"

"Edward saw your aplication on you desk." Alice said pointing to the folded paper on my desk.

"Oh, but how did you enroll?"

"We have perfect grades, and we pulled some strings. We have to make sure your okay." She said smiling.

"I can take care of myself." I hissed. I can take care of myself I've been doing it for the passed year with out any of their help.

"Bella, look at yourself." Alice said pointing in the mirror. "Your not eating right."

"So I've lost a few pounds. Isn't that what most girls try to do?"

"Not when they didn't weigh that much to begin with." She said angry.

"Here get dressed and go eat. I'll pack your stuff." She said with a smile.

"But how-"

"One of the many perks with having a vampire as your best friend." She said smiling.

I grabed a shirt and plain blue jeans and headed to the bathroom. I took a qick shower and brushed my teeth. I combed through the tangles in my hair and pulled my hair into a messy bun and walked out of the bath room to find 4 sutcases,my lab top bag and hand bag on my bed.

"Thank you so much Alice. I really aprica-"

"Don't metion it." she said with a smile."And go eat!" She said in an athortie voice.

"Okay,okay."I said putting my hands in the air. I walked down the stairs and opened the refirator and got some milk. I poured some milk into a glass.

"I said food." Alice growled from behind me. Jumped at the sound of her voice.

"What if I'm not hungery." I hissed.

She made a face that broke my heart.

"Fine." I said through my teeth.

I got some ceral from the pantry and poured some in a bowel.

"Now was that so bad?" Alice said smugly.

"Yes it was." I said glaring at her.

She caried all the bags down and promised to meet me at Western Washington University.

"I can't belive your going to leave me." Charlie said sadly as he loaded my bags in the truck.

"I'm only a couple of hours away, and you can call me everyday if you want." I said pulling him in for a hug.

"I know, but I'll miss and worry about you. Please take care of yourself, for me."

I sighed, getting into my truck.

A/N: Hope you like this chapter (: I really like Alice's charater so I decied to bring her into the story,so hope you liked it and I'll update soon. 


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